Just another vent and ranting to myself. no surprise if i get no comments, let alone views. something's been eating at me over the past couple years. i feel like i've cuased someone a tremendous amount of pain. i've had my share, but when i look back it amounts to nothing. i feel like i can't turn around without having my mistakes right there in front of my fuckin face. i feel smothered by them. any more and i'd probably be eaten alive. arguments, conversations blatenly over the phone, messages hidden in songs. i feel undeserving, small, closed in, and in a corner..... but more important, alone. i'm having trouble living with myself. suspiscion, distrust, seperation, isolation depression and missery. why does God do this to people? to remind them that he is always there? that no matter how much you think someone cares or loves you, no one will have more than Him? Why have I done the things I've done? More importantly why can't I forget? I can't sleep sometimes, don't want to go to work, take care of the dishes, the luandry, do dinner, take care of a son, and a husband with a cist. I'm fuckin tired. I can't bring this forward without having everything shoved back in my face. Even if I grew the guts, what would be my approach? WITHOUT HAVING SHIT SHOVED IN MY FACE!??!?!?!?! I want to yell, speed, destroy and rage. i need relief.